I’m a Mom!

I’m a mom!

I expect you to help me clean up, but then get mad when it’s not done how I want. I see you dishwasher!

I’m a mom!

I will huff and puff under my breath as I rage-clean, and if you ask me what’s wrong, I’ll say, “Nothing!” as I go back to vacuuming with fierce intensity.

I’m a mom!

I will buy you all the latest trends so you can feel happy and confident while I wear the same leggings and bras from college. Lululemon for everyone! Except for mom. Boooo!

I’m a mom!

I will complain about taking care of all the pets and then cuddle the dogs at the end of the night while talking to them in a baby voice.

I’m a mom!

I will always offer my kids fruit first and then eat all the peanut butter M&M’s while they’re sleeping. “That’s junk! Now, have an apple!”

I’m a mom!

I will always threaten to throw away my kids’ toys if they don’t clean up their rooms, but I’ll never actually do it.

I’m a mom!

I will use Santa Claus any day of the year! He’s watching, ya know!

I’m a mom!

I will always push a phantom shopping cart, even when I’m not in the supermarket.

I’m a mom!

I will always go to bat for my kids because even though they drive me crazy, I love them more than life itself.

I should mention that these were all written in a light-hearted, joking way, and I absolutely love being a mom. Oh, and the part about the rage-cleaning and bribery tactics is absolutely not true. I never do those things, nope, not me, not ever…