What happens when there’s not a happily ever after?
We teach our children to be their own light in a negative and sometimes dark world. This is especially true for mothers and daughters. Our daughters watch everything we do, the good and the not-so-good. They are very observant and impressionable, so we must always be aware of our words and actions.
The relationship between a mother and daughter is magical. Our little ones view life through a sparkling lens where unicorns and fairies make up the world.
We risk subconsciously enabling them to indulge in their belief that life is an enchanting fairytale until reality takes over and they no longer see through sparkling rose-colored glasses – a mother’s worst fear.
We want to shield them from the ugliness of the world and keep them content in their mystical bubbles. However, you can only do this for so long, and the longer we keep them there, the more delusional they will become. Little girls grow up reading stories about how the princess meets the prince and lives happily ever after. You will never come across a storybook fairytale that shows the princess finding her way in the world and living happily ever after in her castle alone.
Yet, that is exactly what we should be exposing our daughters to. The truth is that what is presented in storybooks is not love but codependency.
It sets the tone that to live a happy, fulfilling life, you must have a prince by your side. Unfortunately, life doesn’t gift you a relationship with the perfect person on a silver platter. It takes work, and many factors are involved that can most definitely taint our daughters’ take on love from an imaginative and hopeful point of view, which is the last thing we want. Kids shouldn’t be cynical.
Sometimes, they are forced to see it happening within their own families. I am divorced, and speaking from personal experience, I worry that my girls will develop negative feelings towards love and the magic they have believed in up until this point. Of course, they are not the first to be impacted by their parents’ separation and divorce. Many are going through the same situation and will eventually inquire about divorce and why it happens; difficult questions that we, as moms, are not prepared to answer but know we will have to.
No matter the circumstances, when my girls (especially my 9-year-old) ask about weddings and love, I encourage them and remind them how beautiful it is and how happy they will feel if they find it. I also remind them that it is a choice – there is always a choice to do what they think will truly make them happy because that’s all that matters. Marriage can be a beautiful and positive thing.
As separated or divorced moms know, our circumstances do not determine our daughters’ future. We only want our little girls to fall in love with life and be content with their choices.
