If you’re a single mom reading this with the expectation of it being a tearjerker that emphasizes the struggles of motherhood, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.
This is a message of empowerment and a reminder that you’re a rockstar who has and will continue to overcome any challenge that comes your way, not only as a single mom but as a single woman.
It’s no secret that the life of a single mom is hard. Whether you are divorced, widowed, separated, or single by choice (there’s nothing wrong with that!), you know the struggle is real because you live it daily. Undoubtedly, your relationship with your children is exclusive, meaning your marital status does not coincide with motherhood…period. The person you share your children with does not and should not define your role as a mother. This is especially true if you are separated or divorced.
Whether we have sole or joint custody is irrelevant and unrelated to the love we (single moms) have for our children. Everyone’s situation is different in terms of the capacity in which we spend time with our kids.
We don’t have to prove a single thing to anyone but ourselves and our children. We will stop at nothing to ensure their happiness and success in all areas of life.
As a single mom, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that we carry our share of emotional baggage. The inner struggles we endure go way deeper than the material world. Our emotions take center stage as we endure waves of sadness, anxiety, resentment, and anger, to name a few. Some of us may experience these in that order, like clockwork every day; for others, it’s sporadic.
Regardless of our situations, there will always be a part of us that wishes the fairytales we listened to as little girls encompassed our reality, but that’s not the way life works. Sometimes the happily ever after unfolds differently than we imagined, which makes us bad-ass moms.
We wake up every morning refusing to dwell on the past while keeping our eye on the prize…our amazing children. Though each of our circumstances may differ slightly or tremendously, one thing is certain; as single moms, we must work extra hard to ensure our kids feel loved, secure, and understood.
For instance, depending on the situation, some of us may play the role of mom and dad. This can be overwhelming and exhausting. Not only do we have to fulfill our work obligations, but we also have to drive to soccer, cheer practice, dentist appointments, make dinner, do homework, pay bills, keep a clean home, and so on. You look forward to the end of the day only to wake up and do it all over again. We wear many hats, but our most important job is to be the best loving parent we can be.
Interchangeably, some of us may not hold the same responsibilities as other (single) moms, but as we all know, quality reigns superior. To be clear and concise, that certainly does not mean we do any less! For example, those moms who share joint custody may follow a schedule that works best for them. They could see their kids at night (after work) and on weekends, which they may or may not alternate with their children’s father. There are countless variations, yet we do all we can to create the best course of action that solely benefits our children. No matter the situation, the transition can be quite emotional, difficult, and confusing for our children and us moms.
However, nothing lasts forever, and this, too, shall pass. The only way through is forward, and there is no alternative. Our superpower is our ability to remain calm and focused yet ready to dismiss anyone or anything that tries to bring us down by inducing drama in our lives.
You will have those days when you feel like you can’t get out of bed or have the energy to continue everyday life. It’s normal to revisit past events and go over conversations in your head with a fine-tooth comb, questioning how you missed the red flags. The key is to visit the source of your pain but not move in and become a permanent resident of your “yesterday.”
You’ll slowly realize how those red flags were lessons and blessings in disguise. Peace is priceless, and we all deserve to have it in our lives. Eventually, your mind won’t drift back to the BS, and you will free yourself and live the life you deserve.
You can’t make your children happy if YOU’RE not happy. You will eventually get to a point where you realize you’ve had the power the entire time. Yes, you’re single and a mom, but those are two words that, when used separately, each hold strength and beauty in their own right.
Remind yourself that you’re free to live as you want – unattached. Make up for lost time and do the things you always wanted to but never did because you’re an amazing mother and selfless person. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come because no one can stop a single woman on a mission.
It might take some time, but I can attest that focusing on yourself and allowing yourself to “be” without any expectations is a major accomplishment. You will keep going because that’s what you do. You fight and tune out the rest of the world, who would rather judge than praise you. Acknowledge that your new mindset is a gift to yourself and your kids.
Show off your independence and relish those extra ten minutes you have to grab Starbucks because you don’t have to be home to prepare dinner and keep the chaos at bay. Take the time to realize that although you’ll experience times when you might feel lonely and dismantled, you can and will eventually get to the point where you can be alone and not be lonely. That’s how you know you’ve made it, and the reward will be your impact on your children, especially if you have daughters.
Teach them to believe in love and encourage a happily ever after, but teach them to stand their ground and keep some of their precious time to themselves because there’s more than enough to go around. Instill the importance of boundaries and hold themselves to a high standard because they know their worth.
