We’ve all heard the expression, “It takes a village to raise a child.” But what if you don’t have a village?
My name is Sharon, and I’m a Westchester County Mom. I grew up in Scarsdale, attended college in Manhattan and graduate school in Boston, lived and worked in New York City for many years, and returned to Westchester to raise my three children with my husband.
Most of my life was spent in New York, so it’s notable that once we started to expand our family — during those tender and vital years, navigating life-changing physical, emotional, and identity shifts with new priorities and responsibilities — we were all over the place.
After my husband and I married in 2012, we lived in Brooklyn for two years. Then, we moved to Michigan for one year, where my first daughter was born in 2014. My second daughter was born in 2016, and we lived in central New Jersey for three years. My son was born in New York in 2019. In short: three babies, three different places.
When we say, “It takes a village,” that refers to a nurturing network of family, friends, and neighbors who help raise our little ones together. A village provides moral support, practical help, and a sense of community.
Being a brand-new mother, starting when I was pregnant with my firstborn, I was mainly on my own, with no “village” to speak of. I was isolated and unable to lean on others, living in unfamiliar regions, then moving again and never feeling settled. We couldn’t afford childcare or many scheduled activities, like “Mommy and Me” classes. The only constants I could count on were my husband and my babies.
Don’t be discouraged if you relate to this and haven’t found your village yet. I’m here to tell you that you can still find camaraderie in the larger tribe of motherhood.
As moms, we learn to be resourceful. We can take advantage of social media and the internet’s best parts: the feeling of connection and the information they can provide. When my husband and I were trying to conceive and when I went through miscarriages, it comforted me to read about other women’s similar experiences. When I struggled with breastfeeding, I had to rely on the internet to teach me everything I needed to know.
In today’s world, a village can be so much more than your actual family, friends, and physical neighbors.
It doesn’t have to mean having family members in the same town, childhood friends living down the road, or a helpful neighbor checking in on you. Sometimes, it can be the kind internet stranger who listens and doesn’t judge, who tells you everything will be alright, you’re doing an amazing job, and you’ve got this.
I may not have had a traditional village as a new mom, but looking back, I wouldn’t trade those years for the world. Even though it often felt like I was surviving, not thriving, I now reminisce about the simpler times when it was just me, my husband, and my babies.
My children are still young, and my village continues to grow.
These days, you can find me at home with my family, involved with my kids’ schools, serving as a deacon and teacher at my church, volunteering in my daughter’s Girl Scout troop, and coaching my son’s Little League tee ball team.
Contributing to Westchester County Mom, I also hope this right here can be part of someone’s village. Whether you know them in real life or not, a network of moms in the area is a strong source of encouragement, knowledge, and community.
