That title contains two things that sound like polar opposites: meditation and toddlers. One is centering, calm, and often quiet. The other is loud, messy, and could be described as a Tasmanian devil. I’ll let you guess which of those descriptions goes with which of those very different things.
Toddlers are obviously fast-paced, and boy, do they have some BIG emotions. Toddlers don’t settle down easily. They can easily go from 0 to 60, or from 60 to a catastrophic wreck, unless we, as caregivers, catch them before they do and either put them down for a nap or refocus their attention.
Sometimes they melt down anyway. They are toddlers, after all, and we as parents don’t possess foolproof toddler taming superpowers (though I’d wager just parenting is a superpower in and of itself!). But something else I’m finding helps prevent or interrupt the crash we call tantruming is meditation.
Yes. I meditate with my toddler.
Meditation practice is something I’ve incorporated into my high-stress, fast-paced life because it gives me a few minutes to stop, breathe, and refocus. The chaos has nearly broken me before, and I’ve committed to doing everything I can to never be in that place again.
One of the changes I made in my life was beginning to meditate regularly (a practice that, when applied in specific protocols, we know has positive outcomes on stress levels, anxiety, and even health).
You may have seen meditation-like practices in preschool or elementary classrooms. Maybe you do something similar when your little one needs to decompress, too. As a former preschool teacher, I became accustomed to giving toddlers decompression time. Sometimes with quiet music, sometimes without. Sometimes with a big hug, sometimes with physical space.
We did something similar when I taught first grade, during recess or a class period when the students got riled up. Quiet music and a bit of time lying on the floor with eyes closed worked wonders. You don’t need experience as an educator to understand the value of quiet time. I’m certain anyone who has spent any time with children knows how vital decompression time can be.
My child is under two years old. You know the age, where kids have no clue what they want, and it constantly feels like you are teetering on the edge of a raging pit of fire while covered in gasoline. The slightest wrong step proves explosive. My parenting philosophy is authoritative (not to be confused with authoritarian!) and evidence-based. Part of this means I know the best way to deal with a tantrum is to prevent it: providing logical expectations in advance and nurturing appropriate choice-making work wonders. But sometimes that tantrum is inevitable because, well, toddlers.
A method that works well for me when I feel like I am going to combust spontaneously is taking a few minutes to do deep-breathing exercises, or, if possible, a full meditation. One day, it hit me: what if I tried this with my child? I started playing my meditation music and lying down with my eyes closed. My curious little sponge quickly joined in. We practiced daily while calm. This is not full meditation, of course, but it is a good foundation!
One day, when a tantrum hit, and when my other efforts failed to calm my little honey badger, I turned on my meditation music again. I gave a choice: “Do you want a hug, or do you want to lie down by yourself?” A hug it was. A big bear hug on my lap, actually. I quietly held and rocked my little one, back and forth, while the tears and screaming slowed. And slowed. And stopped. It worked.
I’ve been using similar methods during tantrums and to re-center for some time now. Sometimes my little one sits on my lap and needs a hug. Other times, he wants physical space. We’ve gotten to the point where my toddler closes his eyes and copies my deep breathing for a short period during our practice meditation sessions. We are starting to form a solid foundation for what can become true mediation as he gets older.
While participation is short-lived, I continue to model how to meditate as he goes off to play again (he usually comes back several times to practice with me during these sessions). Sometimes he even asks to meditate now, asking for “night night.” The fact that my little one enjoys building meditation skills warms my heart. We are building up to longer and longer stretches of “meditation.”
And the best thing about it? I get a few moments of decompression time while helping teach this healthy habit to my child; time that is valuable in helping me be the best mom I can be.
Mediation is, of course, not fail-safe. Not at all. I’m still talking about a toddler here! It doesn’t work 100% of the time. And I certainly can’t promise that this will work with your little one. But I do know that it works for us. It is one more tool in my toolbox of effective parenting strategies.
