Let’s face it: we all, to some extent, adore Dad, but more often than not, Dad is ignored. Perhaps some dads prefer to be, but I think fathers would like to get the same attention as moms, especially on Father’s Day.
It’s true that Mom is constantly called upon, cried to, needed, and even blamed for everything. This does not cease to exist when we are older. Many adults turn to their mothers when they need to discuss something, cry, or ask for advice on matters such as money, health, relationships, and even suggestions on where to vacation. Dad is only called upon when manual labor is needed. How often do you call your dad when your car or home needs some kind of repair?
This April made thirty years since my father passed away. When I learned about his death, my mother and I were in Florida visiting her side of the family. Dad decided at the last minute to stay in New York with my younger brother, who was not interested in joining us on the road trip. Silent tears rolled down my eyes as I watched my mother scream and cry the entire duration of the drive back to New York. I hadn’t lived at home for almost two years but saw my parents multiple times a week. I spoke with my mother on the telephone several times a day.
When I moved into my first apartment, both my parents helped furnish, paint, and decorate. My father, who had retired with a disability, spent most weekday mornings working on my apartment after driving my mother to work. Some weekends, I would visit my parents and leave my two young children with my father while my mom and I ran errands.
Children love spending time with their fathers, so it’s easier for them to stay with their grandfathers, too. Dads are much more fun to be around. How often do you hear a father repeat himself? I think because fathers are so laid back and easygoing, it is the reason we often don’t make a big deal about Father’s Day.
I recall that each year, whether for his birthday, Father’s Day, or Christmas, I would gift him the same things. He either got a hammer, a screwdriver, or a fishing tool. When I was in ninth grade, I took a fashion design class and made him a burgundy flower print tie. It looked amazing on him, and he wore it well.
He was a simple man, patient and kind. He rarely spoke and was slow to anger. You could find him watching television while kids played as hairdressers and makeup artists to him. They loved to climb on him, wrestle with him, and play fight with him. He was the dad who taught us how to ride a bike, throw a baseball, fly a kite, and everything else, from swimming to camping, how to drive, and basic auto repair.
I married a man with the same mild and kind mannerisms. He, too, doesn’t make a big deal about his birthday or holidays. He’s content with not getting gifts or phone calls for his birthday. No one forgets to call, but they don’t make a fuss over him either.
For many years, if I didn’t plan something, no one did anything for him. Why does it not bother him the way it bothers me? It pains me when our children don’t do anything for me on my birthday or Mother’s Day. These are the only two days of the year that I expect something from them, but more often than not, it is my husband who does something to celebrate me. When I brought up this issue with my husband about his birthday last month, he said he just wanted to go magnet fishing and hang out with me.
This Father’s Day, I hope the weather will be nice, like it was last year, so that we can visit his favorite place, Fahnestock State Park, near Lake Canopus in Cold Spring, NY. They have everything he likes to do: swimming, boating, and a dock for fishing.
