A Blended Family

The saying “a picture is worth a thousand words” is especially true when looking at one of a blended family. You can’t always tell what factors brought them together, but it is most always a choice not easily made. After heartache and despair, each with children of their own, they allow themselves to love again, take a vow to one another to create their very own unique family.

It was an incident of domestic violence involving my fiancé and oldest child that forced me to flee to my mother’s apartment. The plan was to stay until I found an affordable home for me and my children. But time got the best of me, and before I knew it, we were there for over two years.

Living in a cramped two-bedroom apartment was certainly noisier than our neighbors’, a middle-aged man and his adult son, who co-parented their son and visited most weekends. It wasn’t long before we all became friends. We planned play dates with our neighbor, which became a regular occurrence.

Neither of us had been married before. We both took marriage seriously. As time passed, our view of each other changed as circumstances became much more favorable for us. We both had dated people without children. Now we each had our own, which might be easier, as we would respect each other’s boundaries between parent and child. Understanding the needs and obligations was equally understood and respected. We could focus on our children while enjoying our time together.

So, it wasn’t long before we decided to become a couple after our children had repeatedly joked about the idea. Within three months of dating, he proposed, and after three months of searching, we found a place we could call home.

We moved in and thought all would be well. But the kids who had been so eager for us to date were plotting to break us apart. They began to create problems for us. They were trying to pit us against each other, hoping we wouldn’t get married and call off the wedding, so things could go back to how they were before.

After careful consideration, I set aside the dream of having a quick, simple wedding in nature. Together, we decided it would be best to set the example for our children by incorporating healthy, positive family values and morals through a traditional, formal religious wedding that included them in the ceremony.

It took three years to save money, for me to study and take the sacraments to become a Catholic like my husband. The decision to get married was not only to make a vow to each other but also to be good parents. To protect, love, and honor each of them for as long as we shall live.

We had grown to know them and love them just as we had each other. After making our vows to one another, we declared an oath to our children and presented each individually with a necklace that carried a family medallion.

Being a part of a large family isn’t always easy. I’d like to say things got easier after the wedding, but as most know, life with kids is tough. It can be especially challenging during the teenage years, and it certainly was for us.

There were house rules, family rules, school rules, sibling rivalry, and a non-stop battle with co-parents. My husband and I quickly learned we needed to be on the same team. We worked hard to make sure that our home was a haven for us and our children. We made sure to have holidays, birthdays, and vacations together.

We created family traditions of our own. Being there for our kids as much as possible and making decisions based on our family, not what we were raised in, but what we had envisioned for ourselves.

Over the past twenty-four years, we have all grown to love one another. My husband and I witnessed our children grow from being children and teenagers to adults, some with families of their own.

The children may have lost connection with one another, many living out of our hometown city and state, each of them focusing on their own lives, families, and endeavors, but they know that my husband and I are here for them; however, we can be there whenever they are in need. Our grandchildren know us as Grandma and Grandpa. It fills our hearts with joy that they do.

We have learned to love unconditionally, set the example of what it means to be loved, and to give love openly and freely without wanting to receive anything in return, and choosing to love and care for them as our own flesh and blood. We are a blended family through and through.