As a mother, it is so easy to put everyone else’s needs before your own. It’s almost an unspoken rule, one that we would never dare to dream of breaking. Unfortunately, being last on your own priority list is extremely unhealthy.
Yes, as mothers, we are responsible for caring for our children. We tend to the basic needs of clothing, shelter, and feeding them. We also educate them and work to ensure healthy emotional development.
Yes, as wives, many of us have vowed to honor and obey our spouses. We cook, we clean, and we also work to ensure that their emotional and physical needs are met.
Yes, as sisters and friends, we want to be there to support our peers through difficult times, forever offering encouragement and cheerleading.
We have all heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” I have to admit it used to be one of my favorites, and I have identified with it on many occasions. Based on my perception, this quote is intended to ease the guilt of wanting to put our own needs first by reminding us that, essentially, if we have no more fuel left to run on, we won’t be able to help anyone else. So here is my newfound dilemma: what if I don’t care about refueling and recharging so I can serve the needs of others? What if I want to take care of myself?
I used to feel so guilty for wanting to do things for myself, and I don’t mean luxurious things either. No, I’m not talking about spa days or trips to the salon. I don’t mean dinner and drinks with girlfriends or solo trips to the mall for retail therapy.
I mean, guilty for doing things to actually care for myself. That extra five minutes to actually brush my teeth before bed, put Chapstick on my lips, or lotion on my entire body when getting out of the shower. I felt selfish for the thought of creating a nighttime routine, washing my face, using a lip scrub, and applying a nice face moisturizer.
As I am writing this, I am literally shaking my head. I can’t believe that I spent so much time neglecting myself. What harm would I have been doing to anyone by blocking off that small window of time?
Well, I recently decided that I was tired of waking up with dry skin and chapped lips. I was even more fed up with my feet scratching the comforter as I quickly hopped into bed to put the little ones to sleep. Enough was finally enough, and for the first time in a very long time, I chose myself, and I don’t feel guilty; I feel great!
I created a little nightly routine that only added about ten minutes of me-time to my already allotted shower time. It is as small as properly washing and moisturizing my face and body. I get into bed feeling more relaxed, and to be totally honest, a little more confident and beautiful. I don’t have to wonder if my husband is staring at my chapped lips or pull my cracked heels away when he brushes his feet against mine.
It was a small step, but a step in the right direction nonetheless. So, ladies, let me encourage you to make a small step as well. You may not be ready to carve out a nice window of me-time. Just get started, make an effort to do a little more of what makes you feel good.
Loved this commentary on self-care for Moms. Although I am a grandmother now, I often felt overwhelmed with the need to bring My kids first. I never knew how to say “not now”. My kids were always first, first before Me and their father. That life is over now. My question is “How do you get over kids being grown and not at home anymore. The first 5 years were very lonely, I cried alot, prayed to My elders. It took some time…..I still think of them but am satisfied that they are safe and healty.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I would imagine that coping with your children not living under the same roof would require you to lead with the positive emotions that you shared, and follow up with self care. Remember that raising your children was one part of your journey in motherhood, and that taking time to step back and watch them as successful adults is another part. This stage allows you to opportunity to take care of yourself. Feeling lonely is also a part of that process, but you can combat that by doing things that you enjoy like reading and create more happiness on a personal level.