It’ll be here before you know it. Late-summer vacations start to share space with the challenge of navigating one of the season’s biggest emotional hurdles: tryouts.
Whether it’s soccer, volleyball, football, dance, cheer, theater, marching band, or a travel team, August brings excitement—but it also brings uncertainty. For many kids, it’s their first experience being evaluated and compared, and wondering, “Am I good enough?” Recreational fun starts to carry more weight and stress if we let it.
But let’s be honest. Parents aren’t immune to those feelings either. We feel their disappointment before it even happens. We replay the “what ifs.” We wonder if we should keep it light and breezy or say more, practice more, coach more—or somehow shield them from the possibility of hearing “no.”
The truth is, tryouts aren’t just about making a team. They’re one of the first opportunities each school year for our children to experience uncertainty, resilience, confidence, and disappointment—all in a very public way.
As parents, our job isn’t to erase those feelings. It’s to help our kids move through them. This is going to follow them in some variation throughout their lives, right?
Here are a few reminders I’ve compiled firsthand throughout the years, as a dance educator, health coach, and swim mom during tryout season.
1. Anxiety isn’t always a sign something is wrong.
Sometimes it’s a sign your child cares. Butterflies before something important are normal.
2. Separate effort from outcome.
Making the team is one measure—not the only one. Showing up, practicing consistently, building resilience and grit, teamwork, accepting feedback, and giving your best effort are victories too.
3. Watch your own anxiety.
Kids often borrow our nervous systems before they borrow our words. When we stay grounded, we help them do the same.
4. Ask different questions.
Instead of, “Did you make it?” or “How did everyone else do?” try asking, “What are you most proud of?” or “What did you learn today?” or “How did you feel about it? Why?” Those conversations build confidence that lasts beyond a roster.
5. Make space for disappointment.
If your child doesn’t make the team, don’t rush to fix it. Sit beside them. Let them feel what they feel. Remind them that one coach’s decision doesn’t define who they are—or what they’re capable of becoming. Where they are in this moment in time does not define them. It may not register with them in the moment. But it will stay with them.
As another school year begins, remember that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children isn’t confidence that they’ll always succeed. It’s confidence that they’ll be okay even when they don’t.
Because long after the tryout results are forgotten, they’ll remember how they were supported, encouraged, and reminded that their worth was never determined by a team list.
