Talking to Your Student about School: Getting the Conversation Rolling

We all get the dreaded “fine” response when the kiddos get home from school.

When you ask, “How was your day, sweetie?” you are not hoping for a quick grunt of approval, are you? Do you imagine a thoughtful response from your child that gives you insight into her school day and the life she leads for the six hours you are apart? Many parents do.

However, instead of amazing, thought-provoking conversations, we often hear one-word responses of “fine” or “good.” Yet it’s important to know more. It’s important to have information to get a complete picture of your child’s identity at school.

So, how do we go from the one-word answers to getting the information you want? It’s all about the questions you ask.

Before we even get into the idea of questioning, let’s talk about the conversation in general. When we talk to our children about their lives, it can seem like a rote, everyday event between parent and child. It is much more than that. Talking with your child teaches them how to have a conversation. This will carry over into their discussions with others, in and out of school, and it will also increase their literacy skills.

Talking to your children introduces them to new vocabulary and teaches them about dialogue structures. 

You are letting them practice stretching their ideas, which will help when they write. Academics aside, talking and listening to your children shows them you care. It gives them a sense of importance and priority. It is another way to let your kids know they were missed, thought about, and loved.

So, how can we start those conversations? Questioning is the key to conversations with your child. 

The questions you choose to ask or not ask are just as important as the conversation itself—the questions you pick must be open-ended. The yes/no questions will immediately end with a yes/no answer. Did you have a good day? Yes. Conversation over. It’s your job to guide them to start the conversation.

Here are some of my go-to favorite conversation starters.

• What was one thing that happened today that made you happy? (or sad, excited, etc.)
• Tell me about what you did in class today (reading, gym, art, etc.).
• Tell me about something you did today that would make me proud (or made you proud of yourself!)
• What was the best part of recess today? (Or any subject they enjoy).

These questions will prevent your child from giving you a one-word answer, and they are open enough to get them thinking. They can pick what is important to them and share it with you.

Sometimes, I ask, “What did you learn today?” That’s another mistake. I always get the same answer: ” Nothing.” Nothing? NOTHING?! Now, I am a teacher, and if I sat around all day and taught the kids nothing, I’d be out of a job. So I’m pretty sure my child did learn something—or at least something was taught to the class.

Therefore, our questions have to be more direct. Don’t allow them to say nothing. The “What did you learn today?” question is too vague. How do you respond to the “How was your day” line? I often say fine because it is the quick and easy answer. 

Here are some questions that will dig deeper and get the conversations flowing.

• What did you work on today in science (math, writing, etc)?
• Tell me about something that you never knew until today.
• Tell me about the next chapter in the book you’re reading.
• How did you show kindness to someone today?

The most important part of the questioning comes from your listening and responding. 

Just like you don’t want the one-word answer, don’t give them a one-word response. Process what they’ve said and reply with something else open-ended that will continue the conversation. “Oh, you got to try drums in music class today? That’s exciting. How did it feel to play something different?”

Remember, it’s all about getting them to talk and having quality interactions with your little loved one. There are no wrong things to say or ask. A conversation might not always happen, even if you ask the right question. Sometimes, my daughter will gab all the way home with just one question, and other times, she will tell me I ask too many questions and she wants a quiet car ride. It happens, we all have our days, the important part is that I will ask again tomorrow.

Ready to give it a try? Just get talking and see where it takes you! What are some of your favorite questions to ask your children?