ADHD can present itself very differently in children.
It was obvious to me from very early on that my younger child had ADHD. Everything pointed in that direction. From being hyperactive, and not just an active baby or toddler, a very hyperactive child that we nicknamed “turbine,” with tendencies to knock down pieces of furniture all the time and climb on top of them, to speaking too fast and interrupting us all the time, to having sensory issues and more.
What we missed, though, was my older child. The poor thing suffered for years, and we didn’t even notice. She was doing so well at school, a straight A+ student. She started reading at three. In kindergarten she read chapter books. She made friends so easily. She did her chores and helped around the house. She was the perfect child, and we thought we had nothing to worry about.
The only problem was that she often forgot or lost her stuff and had trouble organizing things. We blamed her time and time again for losing her belongings. We expected a lot from her, and being disorganized was her only imperfection. We wanted to help her.
We were blind to the signs and the red flags.
Her burnout at school was attributed to her not being challenged enough. She complained that she felt bored at school as early as first grade, but we dismissed it and blamed the school system for not being up to such a gifted child as herself.
She continued to suffer in silence. Parent/teacher conferences were all the same. They were full of praise for her character and academic achievements, except for one complaint, that she was too chatty in class.
My little girl grew up too fast and went to high school. All of a sudden, she started to struggle academically and emotionally. Again, blind to the signs, we blamed the pandemic. We thought everyone was being affected.
She had a total burnout. I thought that’s it. My bright, perfect little girl was doomed. She had her time to shine, and now it’s over. It was confirmed when we finally sought professional help after she insisted her struggle was due to undiagnosed ADHD.
The doctor dismissed it like we did. It was almost impossible to find a specialist at this point, so when he said she only had a mood disorder, we said he must be right. She didn’t believe him and refused to be put on antidepressants.
At this point, I believed her. I felt she needed help. I thought she wasn’t being lazy or giving up on herself. We sought another doctor specialized in this field, and my daughter finally got her diagnosis in tenth grade. With the proper medication, she thrived again. She graduated high school with honors and went to the college where she wanted to study biomedical engineering.
Now, looking back at their childhood, I see it. I see all the signs I missed. Having two children with ADHD taught me a lot. They both have it in different ways. And while one was so obvious, the other wasn’t at all.
It’s never too late to seek help.
