Over the last couple of months, my body has been feeling different.
I wake up achy, and my legs always hurt. My sciatica flares up more than usual, and if it miraculously isn’t bothering me, my lower back hurts instead. Factor in the bags under my eyes, my very noticeable crow’s feet, and the recent notorious “number 11” wrinkles between my eyebrows, and I’m not feeling too hot.
I decided to ask my close friend if she wakes up feeling achy and tired each morning, and she told me that once she hit 42, it all changed. She said that’s when the aches and pains started, and that’s also when she noticed a change in her skin, energy levels, and even slight wrinkles on her face.
I froze when she said the number 42. I am turning 42 this summer, and it all made sense. I’m not saying that being 42 makes you old, but I have felt like my body has to try a little more complicated when it comes to basic tasks that it’s been used to doing. Even riding my spin bike has been more challenging for me, even though I have been riding for three years.
This was also especially hard for me to process and handle, being that mentally, I identify as a 27-year-old.
Last week I had a mini panic attack. Well, not quite a real panic attack, but I felt intensely overwhelmed. A friend was talking about Botox and how most people our age have been getting it since their twenties or at least their thirties. She asked if I had ever done it, and I said I had never done anything for aging. I laughed and told her that my skincare regimen was using Cerave lotion on my face after a shower.
She looked shocked and said that most women were at least using anti-aging serums at night to help with preventing and diminishing wrinkles. The closest I came to anything maintenance related was putting a scoop of Collagen in my coffee every morning because it made me feel like I was at least doing something.
Later that day, I bought a night serum with retinol, hair dye, and gel under eye masks.
When my husband got home, I talked his ear off about how I was supposed to do all these things to prevent aging and that I was behind schedule. When I was done with my rant, he told me that I didn’t need to panic or do anything unless I wanted to. Then he laughed and said, you may want to keep the hair dye. And it was true; over the last six months, my grays are a force to be reckoned with, and I need to dye my roots every five weeks!
The following day I bought skin-firming body lotion and some funky hand-held cellulite remover gadget. I didn’t know what was happening, but I had many feelings. How can I maintain my body without having to spend money like crazy? Not to mention, I don’t even have time to wash and blow dry my hair as much as I’d like, let alone make trips to the spa for facials and blowouts.
I took a breath and told myself that this would all be fine. I could buy what I felt would make me feel better and use them if I wanted, but I need to practice self-acceptance and allow myself some grace. 
I’m going to age naturally, and if one day that means I have a few more wrinkles than I’d like, so be it. And if one day I want to treat myself to a fun spa trip where I get a little extra perk up, that’s okay, too. However, I must say that I realize now that I was panicking unnecessarily. Still, I will admit that my new night serum is awesome and my new favorite product!
Botox fillers and patches for under eyes! Treat yourself to a facial once in a while too 🙂
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