Finding a balance between being a mom and an individual is a shared experience. Being a mom is being you, but you are also allowed to be an individual. We can be both simultaneously while being fully present. Where do we begin? How do we navigate embracing both? What does it mean?
As a mother and clinician, I have discovered that we are trailblazers. We teach ourselves how to be moms while trying not to lose our individuality along the way. We can be told that we are selfish, but I disagree. Being an individual while being a mom enhances our ability to be role models for our children and show them how to be authentic.
We are often taught to choose between one or the other. If you are not focusing on being a mom, your focus shifts to your career, a feeling, or a significant life event choice. We are sometimes encouraged to dishonor our individuality to fit into everyone’s acceptance box. I have often been challenged throughout my career and questioned why I didn’t choose just one career path. I have struggled with this ideology through my 20s and realized that I can do it all as I get older. It doesn’t have been easy, and finding the time can be tedious, but I can tell you finding peace within the chaos has been my reward.
Looking at myself each morning in the mirror, I know I have followed and chased my dreams. Chasing my dreams might not have always meant accomplishing everything as I imagined. However, I’ve learned flexibility and patience. I’ve learned that growth is in the waiting period.
When I started on my journey of motherhood, I knew in my heart that this was my path in life. For many nights, I reflected on my journey and my many careers. I began to evaluate where I found my balance, and that inspired me to want to pass this gift along to my daughter.
Finding the balance as a mom is a unique path. Others can provide us with advice, clichés, and firsthand experiences; however, we must make this trek ourselves. Your walk in life as a mom and as an individual is priceless. By sharing our thoughts, feelings, and excitement, we leave our footsteps for those to follow.
What does balance look like? How do we know we are headed in the right direction? Here are a few tips.
1. Taking advantage of unexpected pockets of time.
Discovering that moment when our children play can allow us to accomplish something for ourselves. For example, I took the time to write this blog while my daughter was busy playing independently.
2. Celebrate things both big and small.
Celebrating all you have achieved for that day or week (nothing is too small) motivates you to continue reaching your goals.
3. Acknowledge that you won’t always be productive.
Learning to appreciate that there aren’t enough hours in the day is essential. Some days, you will check everything off your to-do list; other days, you won’t get anything done. Set priorities and give yourself some grace.
4. Utilize your sense of humor.
Find the good in all situations, and don’t take everything so seriously.
5. Acknowledge all of your feelings.
Feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment don’t define you. Embrace all feelings, both good and bad.
6. Create small goals.
Write lists outlining goals for you as a mom and as an individual. Remind yourselves daily we are all works in progress.
