My daughter is leaving for college, and I’m not panicking as I thought. She is so stressed out and upset that she is leaving and asks me, “Why am I the only one upset about this?” I have no answer.
I’m unexpectedly at peace with the whole situation. I panicked and stressed out at the beginning of her senior year and rode the wave of emotions early on. Now I have arrived at total acceptance. Or maybe I will have a late reaction after she leaves. Who knows? But now I’m cool as a cucumber, which makes her more upset.
I trust that she is ready, even though she denies it. I believe in her abilities. I know that she can do this. I know she can be alone even if she doesn’t realize it now. All I care about is making sure she gets ready. “Start packing,” I say. Or “Let’s get this done first” while dorm shopping and getting things out of the way.
But the more things we do to prepare, the more stressed she feels. It means she is one step closer to leaving. And I think she’s ready to go.
I’m excited for her. This is a new and fun chapter. I honestly don’t know if I’m saying this not to project my anxiety or because I’m not anxious. It could be a bit of both.
I’ve read and heard numerous accounts of moms experiencing a loss after their kids left for college, and I expected to feel the same way, especially since I’m very close to my daughter. But I don’t feel that loss.
My daughter is a very sociable, hard worker who holds herself to very high standards. She knows how to cook and bake and does basic house chores. She knows her way around different situations. She is a safe driver. She tries to be financially independent by getting various jobs. She is brilliant, talented, and ambitious. She has her life and future all figured out. And she will be just fine.
I’m not belittling her anxiety; after all, we are all the family she has, and she is leaving us. I wish she could see herself the way I see her. She would trust herself more, and maybe her anxiety would be less.
I wonder, on the day is leaving for college, will I still be so cool about it, or will I lose it? I will let you know.
