May is the month where everyone suddenly remembers moms exist—and starts selling us “self-care” like it’s something you can buy in a package.
Take time for yourself, they say.
Okay, but how? Without the guilt that tags along every single time? And when? When you’re the project manager of everyone’s life, where exactly are you supposed to pencil yourself in?
And what does self-care even mean anymore? It’s a buzzword tossed around so much that it’s basically lost all meaning.
Is it yoga and mani-pedis? A facial and a mimosa? A silent hotel room with room service and trash TV for 24 hours? Reading a book without being interrupted? Or is it something else entirely?
Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. And for a lot of moms, the version being sold, while absolutely lovely, doesn’t even touch what we actually need.
Here’s the part that doesn’t get marketed: Real self-care for moms isn’t always pretty, aesthetic, or even relaxing. It’s not always something you “treat” yourself to—it’s something you practice, especially when you’re already overwhelmed.
Because if your nervous system is fried, a massage won’t fix the fact that you’re running on empty.
What actually works looks more like this:
- It’s pausing for 30 seconds in your car before walking into the house to breathe and reset.
- It’s noticing you’re about to snap, and choosing to step into another room instead of pushing through.
- It’s feeding yourself real food before everyone else, instead of picking at scraps and calling it a meal.
- It’s saying “I can’t do that today” without over-explaining or spiraling into guilt.
- It’s asking for help, even when a part of you thinks you should be able to handle it all.
- It’s going to bed instead of doom-scrolling because your body is begging for rest.
- It’s repair. It’s boundaries. It’s small moments of regulation that no one claps for.
And no, it doesn’t always feel indulgent. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and even a little selfish at first.
