Once upon a time, before online support groups began, the webmd.com craze started. You know what I’m talking about…you put in any symptom you were suffering from, and within a couple of clicks, you thought you were either suffering from seasonal allergies or dying from some terminal form of cancer.
Fast-forward to the present day and online support groups. While plenty of people still click on WebMD, many have moved to Facebook groups. You know the type: groups with names like Moms of Biracial Girls, Art Teachers Who Make Art, or Single Parents Support groups. (All groups I have looked into at one point or another.)
Some of the groups on these social media sites are quite large and have many members from across the globe. They seem alluring when you come across them and think, “Wow, these people are just like me!” And in many cases, they are.
However, please always use your brain and think for yourself when going into these groups. The people in these groups are regular people, just like you and me, who may or may not know what they are discussing. They may or may not have a personal bias or agenda. Just use your judgment.
Enter The Know It Alls
Here’s an all-too-common example of someone who needs to use better judgment on social media. I was scrolling through a group of parents who wanted advice on caring for their biracial children’s hair. One mom on the site posted a picture of a red and inflamed patch of skin (not hair-related at all). The post read, “My biracial daughter came home from school with a slight fever and this on her leg. I’ve never seen it before. What is it?”
The comment section was full of dozens of different diagnoses from people saying, “My kid has the same thing. It’s (insert skin issue here).” There were dozens more giving treatments, including putting olive oil on it, ice, athlete’s foot cream, etc. Yet in the hundreds of comments, not one person said, “Bring her to the doctor!”
Of course, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and clicked away. I commented on how none of the people commenting could accurately help her because she needed to be seen, in person, by her pediatrician. Why is that not obvious to everyone? This is why I say, please use your judgment. These people don’t know your kid, nor do they have a medical degree. Please don’t take their word over that of someone who is paid to know more.
In a group for parents of children with special needs, a thread discussed how teachers were prejudiced against kids with ADHD. The basic idea was that the original commenter should not give the child’s school a copy of their educational evaluation. (What? I’ve never heard such nonsense). When I commented that many teachers would be happy to help any child in their class, I was bombarded with comments saying that I was not supporting this mother and “how dare I” side with teachers. The people on this thread obviously had an agenda I was not a part of. So again, it is important to use your judgment and take everything anyone says online with a huge grain of salt.
Enter The Trolls and Bullies
Once you’ve realized that people may not be experts in the subjects you want support with, you may encounter another problem: mean people. Call them trolls, cyberbullies, whatever. People can be mean. I feel like these support groups are like high schools. You and your friends are minding your own business discussing a problem when suddenly, a bully comes up to you and says something nasty and moronic. No matter how much you want to rise above it, words hurt. Online is no different.
I was in an online support group where someone put a video of their child up and asked if the group members thought the actions of the child were indicative of a certain disorder. Of course, there were various answers, but what bothered me most was the number of people in the group who made insanely rude comments. I’m talking about people who told her she should have her child taken away because of what she allowed her kid to do. She was called a bad mother, an imbecile, and much worse. Why? It upset me that people without any idea who this woman was could sit behind their laptops and harshly criticize her.
This isn’t the only example of cyberbullying, as it isn’t limited to high schoolers. It is very common in these social media groups. So, buyer beware. You may be bombarded with people like these if you put yourself out there.
So, what’s the end all be all?!
Should we all just run from social media online support groups? No. Just make sure you think about the group you are joining. Study its culture. Who is allowed in? Are there often fights and people being kicked out? Read some posts and the comments first. If they infuriate you, don’t join.
Second, remember these group members do not know you or your family. They are not a replacement for the advice of your friends, family, doctors, or those who know you best.
Third, and maybe most important for us mothers, ensure you know what online support groups your kids are joining. You may be able to shake off the nasty comments, but can your kids? Should they have to face such people? Always check in with your kids if they are using social media sites, and remember that many of the most popular sites have age restrictions.