I Lost…But I Still Won (On Being Fat and Fit)

That isn’t me.

I do live in my workout gear. Leggings are a staple of my wardrobe, but only because they are comfortable. I love my baseball caps, but because my hair is a rat’s nest, I didn’t put on makeup, and I’m trying to hide from the world. And I’m definitely down for lunch, especially if it consists of burgers or pizza.

So, I avoided many fitness activities. For a long time, it was because I feared ridicule for my appearance. It was because I hated the gym (it just isn’t my thing, and even when I was in amazing shape and on the dance team, I still hated it). I treated fitness as a luxury rather than a healthcare necessity.

That last thing recently changed. Due to an autoimmune disease and several injuries, my body feels like it is falling apart. I don’t want to be in a wheelchair by the time I’m 50. I had to do something; I had to try at least.

Almost ten years ago, I set a goal to run a 5k. I pushed it off repeatedly, for fear of coming in last, for fear of looking silly, for fear of making a fool of myself.

And then, fat and food-loving me decided to do it. I came in last in my age group and nearly last out of all the runners. And, it turns out, it wasn’t the end of the world. I actually enjoyed it.

People were supportive, and my time was decent for a beginner (15-minute miles, in case you were wondering). Despite not training as well as I should have and being in the middle of an arthritic flare (thanks autoimmune disease for giving me that fun complication at the ripe age of 18!), I still ran 1/3 of the race, walked the remainder, and didn’t stop once.

I’m darn proud of myself for it. Even if all that sounds pathetic to you. I’ve stopped caring. I did this for me.

If you’ve been afraid to be active because you think you’ll look silly or believe you will be the only out-of-shape person, I promise you, you have to start somewhere. Everyone does, and many of us are just as self-conscious as you. Don’t worry if you are huffing and puffing up the mountain on a hike or down the street during a jog. I’m only thinking, “Go you, you are doing it!”

So, drop the self-consciousness and do it, whatever it is.

And if you need someone to win a foot race against, let me know. I’d be happy to come in last again if it makes another human feel better about accomplishing their goals.