Life has been crazy lately. Between work, travel, and a sick toddler, it’s been one hell of a ride. It’s been hard to get the balance right. To add to it all, I’ve had some real mom guilt lately when I dropped my son off at daycare, and it got me thinking about what I was feeling guilty about.
We watch them grow and are proud of every milestone they reach, but each time there’s a little sadness that they no longer need our help with a task or that they’ve grown another few inches. It happened so fast you didn’t notice.
Everything feels like we are continuously transitioning. It feels like my son only had milk yesterday, and now I have a two-year-old who loves Indian food. We built his crib ready for the tiniest baby, and now he’s outgrown it and can get in and out whenever he likes (and oh, does he!).
This continuous change and transitioning can make us feel guilty because, in our busy lives, we are so worried we might miss a second, or not be there when they fall at school, or clap and smile when they achieve something new. It’s hard.
Recently we’ve had the transition of me returning to work full-time, and I’m still feeling guilty over it. He LOVES it, and I’m constantly impressed with all the great things he does and learns every day. He runs into the school excited to see his friends and teachers, yet I still feel guilty.
But I’m changing the narrative on mom guilt. I’ve realized something really important. I’ve been making it about myself, and it’s not. So here’s my new script, I say to myself.
He deserves to go to daycare and play with his friends all day. I have things to do, and even if we were home all day, I’d still have something to do and couldn’t give him 100% of my time and brain power for 24 hours a day. Instead, he’s got hours of focused play and loves every second.
He deserves the independence. The time away from my husband and I is good for him. He’s different around his friends. It makes him more confident, and tries new things when we are not around. He can push the boundaries and discover without looking back at his parents to see what they think about it.
He deserves to learn that he can be independent without us and achieve milestones and goals. Independence and thinking for himself is a skill that I want him to have.
Letting go is hard, and I’ll never be fully ready to let go (can I get a dorm next door to his when he goes to college?), but I’m changing the narrative, and I know he deserves it.
