The new year is like turning to a blank page—a time to start anew and realign with your vision. For many, this means making resolutions to eat healthier, live a more active lifestyle, or better manage stress. Yet, these goals are often forfeited before spring comes around.
We can take many steps to support us in achieving our resolutions, but one that I find is often overlooked is the importance of intentionality. So often, we can get caught up in “good” versus “bad” behaviors and fail to look at the underlying intention.
I see this often when working with clients in therapy. They have a goal in mind and try to be perfect in living out all of the “good” behaviors and none of the “bad.” This can lead to undue labeling of certain behaviors, extreme or unsustainable habits, and shame if we engage in something deemed “bad.” Ultimately, it can lead to someone feeling like they’ve failed or throwing in the towel altogether.
For example, if you want to live a healthier lifestyle, you start a diet goal of only eating “healthy” food and cutting out all of the “junk.” You can maintain this for a few days, but then order all of the appetizers the next time you go out. You feel like you’ve failed your goal and decide it’s not worth it to keep dieting over the weekend. By Monday, you feel ashamed, frustrated, and ready to give up on your goal.
I work toward living intentionally, and I often discuss it with clients. Rather than labeling our behaviors, incorporating intentionality pushes us to understand the intention behind them.
Working from this mindset, nothing is inherently good/bad or wrong/right. It allows us to make more mindful choices around our behaviors and frees us from shame if we don’t act perfectly all the time (newsflash: we won’t).
For example, you want to live a healthier lifestyle, so you set a goal of eating more nutrient-dense foods while limiting overly sugary, fatty, or processed foods. When it comes time to go out, you choose your favorite appetizer to share with your friends. You make this decision without shame, enjoy your evening, and fill up on a nutritious meal the following day.
It’s the same situation, with very different feelings and outcomes.
Ready to live more intentionally this year? Here are some things you can do.
- Start by reviewing your values. What are the big-picture things that you want to live by? Some values can include honesty, prioritizing family, connecting with nature, helping others, and being active.
- Consider your goals. Based on your values, what goals would you like to accomplish? Examples include being more direct when communicating your feelings, having a weekly family game night, getting outside more, volunteering with a local organization, and getting at least 10,000 steps. Choosing goals based on your values can give these tasks meaning and purpose. Rather than being something you should do, you want to do it.
- Determine what behaviors help you move closer to your goal and what behaviors move you further from your goal. Once you identify these behaviors, try to choose as many toward moves as possible while intentionally choosing to refrain from away moves.
- Give yourself grace. You’re not going to be perfect! There are going to be times when you choose away moves. If you find yourself stuck in away moves, see if you can check in with yourself, realign with your values, understand what was getting you stuck, and move forward.
- Check in. Periodically review your behaviors and what has or hasn’t been working. Then, make adjustments as needed.
