You might be wondering when I’m going to talk about my kids. Well, likely never. For starters, some of my children have explicitly asked me not to put any stories or anecdotes in print or social media, no matter how benign they seem. Yes, it hamstrings me as a writer since there are so many tales to tell.
First and foremost, I believe my responsibility is to respect and honor their privacy. Let me suggest you should too.
Social media is replete with mom influencers and regular moms posting funny and not-so-amusing stories about their kids’ latest antics. Some are looking for support or sympathy, and others are trying to be relatable, exposing motherhood’s very real and unglamorous reality. Painting walls in poop, bed wetting until age 12, lamenting the mean girls, not making a team, failing a course or driving test, dropping out of school, an endless list of possibilities because pretty much everyone has setbacks and challenges.
Think back to your younger years. Would you want your foibles on the internet in perpetuity, findable by anyone doing a deep dive? To this day, and it was a very long time ago, I recall my mother telling her mother and my aunt when I had my first period. We were in my grandparents’ apartment in the Bronx, standing between the kitchen and dining area near the table. I was mortified, and she only told two female relatives, yet I remember it in detail.
This experience rears its head every time I want to say something about my kids. From early in their childhood, I kept in mind that they would someday be adults, and although my experience with parenting was mine to tell, it shouldn’t affect their right to keep secrets. This rule also applies to photos; no posted pics unless approved.
Parents building businesses using their children on social media – dubbed “sharenting – must be extra careful now. New laws are popping up to protect the children and require that they be compensated.
The first of these became effective in Illinois on July 1, 2024. An amendment to the state’s Child Labor Law now requires that children 16 and under be paid if and when, over 30 days, they are in 30% of the adult’s video or online content, even if the adult doesn’t make any money. Parents must keep records and set aside funds in trust in the child’s name, accessible at age 18. Similar laws are under consideration in Washington, Maryland, and California.
Legalities aside, it’s hard to know or predict what your child will care about later. And that’s why I err on the side of not sharing.
Lest you think I’m overly cautious (or dramatic), here’s one child-approved anecdote. I was to give a speech at my son’s wedding. Moments before I began, he turned to me concerned, “You’re not going to embarrass me, are you?” No, I wouldn’t and didn’t. But it still mattered to him.
