There are so many things I could (and do) worry about, but in one recent instance, I made a concerted decision not to worry. I put it in a mental box on a shelf deep in the recesses of my mind. Anytime a concern popped into my head, I’d push it away, thinking now is not the time to worry.
Until there was reason to be concerned, there was no issue. This is far from my usual mom MO, where I have plans and backup plans ready to go. But not this time. And let me tell you, it was freeing.
My college student was seeking on-campus housing, to which he was not technically entitled given the number of semesters he had completed. However, we all agreed that being in a dorm apartment would be a better situation than being off campus. He (with my assistance in the background) completed an application and request during the spring semester and was told a decision would be made in July.
It can be a long wait between April and July when you don’t know where you’re going to live. The family party line was “Let’s see what happens, and, if it doesn’t work out, we will find a solution.” Often my role is to be the calm in the storm, even as I am not on an even keel. I am not Pollyannaish enough to believe things will work out, and just because I say it will usually does not reflect how I feel.
In this case, though, I let it go; we could patiently wait it out without anxiety. When my mind would drift to ‘what if he doesn’t get housing,’ I would visualize myself closing that box and putting it back on the shelf. Truthfully, there was nothing I could do.
As the calendar turned to July, however, my son started to get antsy. Surprisingly, I did not. It was easy to reassure him that there’d be no response the week of July 4th, or even the week after. After July 15th, he was free to send an email to inquire, which he did. And yes, he received on-campus housing. Whew. Problem avoided.
For me, it’s a reminder that it doesn’t help to worry about things that are out of your control…at least sometimes.
Did I have ideas about what he could do if it didn’t work out? Of course. I knew which apartment complex he would otherwise want, though I had not looked up the contact information. The college parent Facebook group might have info about someone with an extra room or needing to sublet. But I did not reach out. That could wait until the problem existed.
All the time and energy I saved by not agonizing about housing were immediately channeled into another concern. In this case, the new problem was an upcoming unplanned quasi-emergency dental surgery about which I had no choice and yet did not want. As I said, there’s always something to worry about.
