Sex and the Single Mom: How to Introduce Your Babies to Your New Bae

Many divorced adults remarry or cohabit with new partners. However, when and how to introduce your new partner can’t be taken lightly. The fear surrounding this introduction is primarily fueled by the media, in which stepparents are frequent villains or antagonists. This may explain why I was reluctant to introduce my son and the man I was growing to love.

After several months, I was sure Mr. Nice Guy would be in it for the long haul. I also knew he was the type of man I would be proud to have as a role model in my son’s life. These two things made me sure I wanted to introduce my bae to my baby. But how? I thought about it, talked about it, and read about it. Then, I planned for it.

1. Location is Key

I decided to have Mr. Nice Guy meet us at a local arcade. It’s a place I rarely take my son because I don’t like video games, so I knew he would see it as a treat. I also knew Mr. Nice Guy was a gamer from a long time ago so that they could bond. Additionally, there were many distractions in case things started going wrong.

Ensure an easy exit from the date – your child’s comfort is key. Don’t go on a boat ride, for example, unless one of you is fine with swimming home if things don’t work out. Make sure this is also a place where you could stay long enough to get a good sense of the dynamic. Having your children meet your man is to see if they all will get along. You can’t tell that in just a few minutes (and if you can – it’s probably a no, and that’s a whole different conversation).

2. This Should NOT Be a Surprise

I remember being about ten when I met my future stepmom for the first time. We “bumped” into her on New Year’s Eve. My dad introduced her as an old friend, and that night, after the countdown, we slept at her place with her son, whom I’d also just met. It was awkward, and looking back, I felt duped and scared.

I didn’t want this for my son, so I prepped him by asking the day before if he would be okay with meeting a friend of mine. I explained that he was a new but very good friend who I thought would have fun with us. My son agreed, and I was relieved because this meeting really has to be on your child’s terms. If they feel forced into or surprised by it, that will also be their first impression of your significant other. No Bueno!

3. Keep it G-Rated

You’ll probably want to kiss your man when you see him make your child smile, but restrain yourself. The biggest fear of introducing someone new is that a sense of jealousy will brew (see A Parent Trap or any other Disney film). You can avoid this during the first meeting by clarifying that your child is the only one getting your love. You need to set and communicate those boundaries to your partner, too. Brief them before the meeting about not hugging/kissing/holding hands, etc. Then, if things go well, you can talk about when to let your child see physical affection and what forms of affection are okay.

4. Trust Your Gut

You will know when it’s time to make the introduction and if things are going well. This is a stressful but also an exciting time. Only that feeling—deep down in your gut—will tell you just how exciting it is. This meeting was illuminating and made me realize that love is transformational.