I tend to be a person who rarely thinks before speaking. One with a “Who cares what people think of me” perspective (not proud of this), which only adds to my anxiety and leads me down a path of negativity. I have always been this way, and changing a thought pattern can be challenging.
I recently met with a friend who has completely changed his mindset. He reacts less, responds more, and finds gratitude in every situation. His outlook inspired me and fueled my desire for a more positive disposition.
I seem to spend too much of my time in a place of worry and fear with a bit of a fight-or-flight mentality. Suppose something goes wrong, like an egg breaking on the floor or running late for school. In that case, I usually react by showing negative emotion (probably swearing), creating negative energy that affects everyone around me.
When you “react,” it is immediate, usually defensive, and emotional. You play the victim, emit negative energy, and raise cortisol levels. When you “respond,” you are in control, calmer, and more at peace. You evaluate the facts and process the information at hand, removing your emotional attachment to a trigger situation.
To shift from reacting to responding, I am becoming more aware of what triggers me to react. This process invites awareness and a more mindful approach to how I relate to myself and others. Identifying my faults and making changes requires a fair amount of work, but I know the investment will be well worth it. What has helped me thus far is tapping into some coping strategies before reacting.
I’ve tried taking a breather (yes, sometimes moms need time outs, and I let my kids and husband know that). Once I have paused to collect my thoughts, I ask myself if getting angry is worth it (does it REALLY matter if an egg broke or if we are five minutes late for a play-based preschool program? No, it doesn’t.).
I then think of a calm response and how I can act to evoke love, kindness, and peace.
As I said, this does take effort, but my anxiety has lessened with this approach. Lastly, I take a few seconds to dig deep and find gratitude in the situation. (Oh, an egg broke, that stinks, but at least we have food to eat. My daughter will be five minutes late for school, but I am so grateful she has the opportunity to learn and play with her friends).
Seeking gratitude helps me to put stressful situations into perspective and find positivity. After all, there is always something to be grateful for!
