When I was pregnant with my first child almost seven years ago, I read all the pregnancy and parenting books. I felt prepared! I was one of those parents who was an excellent mom before having kids. Even within the first few months of my “unicorn” baby’s life, I thought I had it all figured out. He’s an exception, one of those “trick” kids who convinces you that you were born to parent and should definitely have more children.
Don’t worry. His sister and brother humbled me. I found, seven years and three kids later, that there is no “one size fits all” book of advice.
It is both a blessing and a curse to be of the social media generation. We can log onto any one of the many mom or parenting Facebook groups we belong to at any time of day or night, ask a question, and receive a ton of answers that will either help or scare the living daylights out of us!
As I sat up late at night with a feverish child, I thought about the advice I really wish someone had given me when I was a new mom. So here’s the REAL parenting advice.
1. Every phase is temporary. Like, really temporary.
I have been in the throes of many a sleep regression, thinking that I will never sleep more than four interrupted hours again. I’ll always be a zombie at work. I’ll always be holding a baby during the night. And then, one night, it all changes, and the baby sleeps.
I’ve gone crazy making multiple meals for picky eaters, wondering what happened to my baby-led weaned children who would eat anything I put in front of them. Then, poof, my son is eating steamed buns with spicy aioli! The point is, these phases are hard, sometimes infuriating, and they can take a toll, but they don’t last forever.
2. Find yourself a solid tribe. A tribe that gets it.
A friend who doesn’t mind waiting with your kid if you’re late to elementary school pick up and who won’t judge you for it; a fellow daycare mom who understands why you still send your kids when you have the day off; friends who come over and don’t care if your house is a mess; friends who share their snacks when you didn’t bring enough or take your kid to the park because the other two are sick; friends who know you would do all of this for them, too.
3. It’s okay not to love every moment.
I am confident enough in my mom status that I can fully admit that I will not miss my youngest child, who has been almost permanently attached to me for his 20 months of life, sitting at my feet, grabbing at my legs, and screaming whenever I am doing something that does not involve holding him. It is really okay not to love bringing your kids to do something fun only for them to whine or throw a tantrum, or even better, ask to leave as soon as you arrive. No one loves every moment of anything.
4. DO NOT fall into the social media comparison trap!
This one is hard, oh so hard. I’ve been on both sides of it. I have totally yelled at my kids to take a #blessed photo and captioned said photo with a sweet message, all while chaos ensued. I have also looked at people’s pictures and wondered how they manage to have it so together when we can’t even find the baby’s shoe!
We must remember that social media is only a small fraction of a person’s real life. Most people are not posting their fails. I know that we have about 1 win to 5 in our house on any given day. I know enough other parents to be fairly certain it is the same in their homes.
5. Take care of yourself and make sure people honor your boundaries.
I am, and have always been, a people-pleaser. I have always put aside my own comfort to make others more comfortable. If you do not want to do something, don’t want someone holding or touching your baby, are not ready for visitors, or need a night to yourself, let it be known. If you want to cancel plans because your day is just too hectic, please don’t be afraid to say no or cancel. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. It is likely that the person has a complete understanding.
I am no expert by any means! And, I know I have a lot to learn as my kids continue to grow. I always look to parents with older kids for real parenting advice and to assure me I’m not alone, so I hope my list of real advice helps at least a few of you out there!
Leanne is a former contributor to Fairfield County Mom. She is also an inner-city high school English teacher with a Master’s degree in Special Education, born, raised, and still living in Stratford, CT. She married her husband, Chris, in 2012, and they have 3 children: Myles, born in 2013, Nora, born in 2015, and Bryce, born in 2017. Leanne and her family enjoy a busy schedule, and weekends are often spent attending the kids’ sporting events, dance classes, or socializing with friends. When time allows, she loves to catch up with friends, watch anything on Bravo, and write about her hectic life as a mom of three!
