I’m never satisfied.
I try to be grateful for all I have and am, but sometimes, I want more. Not in the seemingly materialistic ways that one would imagine right off the bat, but more so for my own goals in life.
Of course, I would love a bigger kitchen with a fabulous granite countertop island to have more room to cook, bake, and do everything a “perfect” mama would do. However, I am resigned to moving things out of the way whenever I need space to make my meatballs. I love my tiny, cozy home for what it is: a house filled with love (and less to clean!).
However, part of me always wants more space, an updated look, etc. My husband, a self-proclaimed minimalist, loves our humble abode and doesn’t feel the need to update decor and furniture constantly. He’s not into following the trends and feels we have everything we need and more.
While he’s right that we have each other, a home, good jobs, beautiful children, and, most importantly, our health, sometimes I long for more. I often wonder if it’s good and healthy to have these goals and dreams, to aspire to be more, or if sometimes I am making myself crazy by telling myself I always need to be a step ahead.
I thought I’d be somewhere different in my career because I took a break to raise my kids. While I’m back at work now, I’m years behind where I thought it would be, but to be perfectly honest, I am happy that I took the time to be with my kids when I felt it was the most important time in their lives. They’re only little once, after all.
I still want to be a best-selling author one day, and even as a teacher, I’m always trying to find time in our crazy lives to carve out a little me-time to pursue my writing. Every time I get started on a project, seasons and schedules change, and I live according to my kids’ sports calendars. I don’t get bothered by this because I almost feel like that’s how it should be, and my dreams might have to wait.
However, I often feel that my never-satisfied attitude has gotten me to where I am today. While it might seem like it has a negative connotation, it’s gotten me to the point where I am today.
I’ve always wanted my kids to grow up where I did, so I worked long hours teaching in East Harlem for many years to save up for a down payment on my house. Although it’s small and not nearly as big as some of the homes in this area, I met my goal and managed to save enough so that my daughter, who was only four then, could grow up in a safe and loving home.
It also happens to be next to the town where I grew up. And now, I might drive my husband crazy, always saying that we should have this and do that, but I don’t think it’s wrong to strive for more because it pushes you to be your best.
I could hound him less about wanting to take a fabulous vacation because it is hard when the kids are so little. Everything is so expensive right now! But there is just a part of me that knows what she wants. She knows that one day, my pushy, strong-willed perseverance will hopefully allow my family and me to have everything we’ve ever wanted and more!
