Never in a million years did I think I would have a daughter with a rare genetic condition and special needs. Even though getting my daughter’s diagnosis was the worst day of my life, I wouldn’t change it for anything. If she were born “typical,” she wouldn’t be the sweet, smart, and funny little girl she is. She’d be a totally different person.
Since my daughter’s genetic condition wasn’t inherited from me and my husband, and it randomly happened during conception, we wanted to have more kids. So now we have our sweet son, who is almost a year old and a typical kiddo.
To my surprise, being a mom of both a child with special needs and a typical child has brought up a lot of emotions in me.
My daughter, who is now three years old, struggles with speech, fine motor, and gross motor skills. She was able to sit up independently at a year old. She started walking a year ago at 28 months old. She can say a few words but has the speech of a one-year-old. Anything new that my daughter does is always a major accomplishment because we know how long and hard she worked to achieve her goals through multiple therapies.
In contrast, my son is practically walking before a year old. He’s hitting his milestones right on time. Of course, I’m thrilled when he learns something new, like clapping his hands or saying Mama. But it’s also hard not to compare and think, “Man, I wish this came easily to my daughter, too.”
Like I said, when my son does something new, I’m excited, but there’s also this sense of relief that he’s on the right track. It’s not a big celebration with happy tears like it is for my daughter. I expect my son to hit his milestones at this point. As with my daughter, it’s always if she’ll gain a new skill or when it’ll happen.
I feel like I live in two different worlds.
One with my daughter with all the therapies and specialty doctor appointments, arguing with our health insurance company about another claim that got denied or advocating for her rights with the school district about the kind of special education she deserves.
When I’m with my son, I experience a sense of normalcy for the first time as a mom, even though he’s my secondborn. We can go to mommy and me classes and regular wellness checkups, and I can watch him play and enjoy his toys (something my daughter still struggles to do on her own).
One thing I do love is that I can now relate to both special needs moms and moms of typical children. They’re both hard and challenging in their own ways.
Even though it can be an emotional rollercoaster, I wouldn’t change any of this. I trust this is all happening for a reason. Watching my daughter play and interact with her brother and vice versa is also beautiful. They’re going to learn so much from each other. My son will have his unique struggles and his unique wins that will be vastly different than my daughters, and I’ll always be there helping him and cheering him on when he overcomes and accomplishes them.
