Over the last two months or so, I have been feeling kind of down and even slightly bored. The monotonous routine is getting to me, and the cold weather biting at my face every morning reminds me that winter is here to stay a bit longer and spring is taking its time, despite hearing the birds chirp every morning teasing me.
Maybe I needed an adventure or even a change in some capacity. Or maybe my annual seasonal depression was rearing its ugly head.
Either way, I was craving some stimulation, such as much-needed warm weather and sunlight, or a new look, such as an ear piercing, haircut, or something fun and fresh.
I even toyed with the idea of getting my belly button re-pierced, something I even consider crazy since it’s been thirteen years since I had it. I took it out when I got pregnant with my first child and when it no longer looked cute or was comfortable.
My mind started to swirl.
What was I doing? Even though I was back to work last year as a teacher’s assistant after taking time off to raise my kids, I knew I had to find a position as a head teacher. I told myself I would need to start interviewing again to move up to where I was supposed to be.
I would need to save more for college for the kids, a car for my daughter when she starts driving in four years, a promised week-long family vacation to somewhere fabulous, and the never-ending house repairs.
My brain was overloaded, and I started thinking about anything and everything and getting stressed by the minute. That old saying, “Take it day by day,” well, I was doing just the opposite. I was overthinking and planning for things I shouldn’t be worrying about quite just yet.
Then, the nonsense started. While eating dinner one night, I asked my husband what he thought about lip filler. I was half joking and half curious to see what he would say. “So, you know how I feel like I have no chin?” I asked as I twirled my pasta on my fork and tried to stick my chin out for emphasis.
“Here we go,” he laughed, used to my antics. “Maybe it would even out my lack of chin.” “Um, no, and will you buy a red Corvette to go with your mid-life crisis, too?” Maybe.
“I’m getting adult braces! The dentist at my cleaning today told me I was a great candidate!” I said emphatically. “You already had braces!” he laughed. Then I realized that any extra money I had would be going to my kids’ teeth in the next few years, and my time had come and gone. I really wish I had worn my retainer.
“I should get a tattoo! I’ve always wanted something small and tasteful, something with meaning!” This would be it. Something just for me that would be a new experience. And then I remembered that I’m terrified of needles and not so good with being uncomfortable. So much for body art!
“Everyone gets their nails done, facials, micro-blading, and Botox! Should I be doing these things? I feel left out.” At this point, I’m just talking about my insecurities 24/7, and my husband doesn’t even know what to say, nor do I blame him. He usually just smiled and said I could do whatever made me happy, but he didn’t think I needed to fix myself in any way and that I was beautiful how I was.
My friends also commiserate with me, and we all compare gray hair and how long it’s been since our last root touchup.
What was happening to me? After turning 43, I started second-guessing everything – how I looked and felt, all of it. Is this a mid-life crisis or a life phase where I might lack sunshine and fun?
The sun was shining today, and we had a fun family outing followed by a beautiful brunch. I felt my mood lifting. I felt my old self creeping back in, the girl who laughed about her crow’s feet when she smiled and laughed about her lack of skincare routine, which consisted only of drugstore moisturizer and light makeup.
I’ll try to bring her back whenever I feel insecure or sad, but it can be challenging. Maybe I need a break from the monotony and some Vitamin D. Even so, I won’t rule out getting that belly button piercing again. Who’s to say a tiny part of me can’t return to pretending I’m 21 again? Never say never!
