Running up the stairs to grab a pair of socks, I pass two empty bedrooms. Except they are far from empty; rather, they are merely uninhabited. What remains are boxes, shelves, and closets chock full of the stuff my two elder kids didn’t want to take into their burgeoning adult lives but from which they are not ready to part. Memories, they say.
I need the rooms cleared out to decide which location would be a better office and podcast studio for me. That’s the phase of motherhood I’ve entered. My three sons are in varying stages of their adulthood – the eldest building a life with his husband, the middle enjoying independence, and the youngest spending the summer at home before returning to college.
Contrary to motherhood lore, I’m not looking back sad for the era past. Young motherhood was full of joy (and pain and anxiety), but just as my children are ready to move on, so am I. Not that I have a choice.
I have been parenting for a long time. With an almost 11-year age span from top to bottom, I am in my fourth (!!!) decade as a mother. It doesn’t end when the kids turn 18, go to college, or even marry.
Experts now say brain maturity requires closer to (or longer than) 25 years. Add the pandemic and job market to the equation, and it’s a longer launch. While the hands-on, minute-to-minute, day-to-day demands fade, the worry lingers, hopefully lessening as the years go by. But I still jump when the phone rings late at night or a text begins with “bad news.” I can’t help it; I’m still their mother.
Thrilling as it was to experience my children’s firsts, it is just as joyful to see them together as adults.
We recently returned from a successful two-week “trip of a lifetime” that included all six of us. An evening together at home can be challenging, so the thought of fifteen days was scary—except it wasn’t. And the kids are asking where and when the next trip is happening. Be still my heart.
There was no way to know or predict things would turn out this way – at least the way they are today in the afterglow of our vacation.
And that’s the thing about this journey – it’s unpredictable, and when you think you’ve got the hang of it, there’s a shift. Instead of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the message should be – always expect the unexpected.
That certainly was the case for my career path. As a big law NYC litigator, I (and my husband) struggled to juggle two children and two high-demand jobs. I shifted to local journalism and writing – and the third kid came along.
The Balance Dilemma podcast I host is born from the dilemma I faced and how my co-host (also a lawyer) managed it differently. I am the Editor of Pursebop.com, a Leading Destination for Luxury Handbag News and Information. Over the years, I produced and hosted television news programs for LMC Media. And I recently began a master’s degree program in writing.
