So much of motherhood is doing the unexpected. I recently found old notes listing some of the out-of-the-box skills I had to develop, and some are pretty funny. Other mom tasks are annoying. I thought I’d share a few favorites with recollections of the circumstances.
Piano Accompanist
My eldest was a theater kid, participating in youth theater groups with audition processes. Those usually involved a monologue of sorts plus a musical number, which, of course, required practice and perfection. Who better to tickle the ivories than a woman who hadn’t played the piano in decades and barely remembered how to read music? Not. This was not in the motherhood manual (if one had existed).
But I was all he had. My childhood piano stood in my living room, where my parents had dumped it when they redid theirs.
He’d warble through show tunes while I played with one hand, the right, hoping that was where I’d find the melody. He was stuck in whatever key the sheet music was written, at a tempo far below the intended. I could only read so fast. He was always a better actor than a singer, though I refuse to believe it is due to my piano key pecking.
Sushi Roller
Not surprisingly, this mom task was for a school project. Surprisingly, it was for French class. My middle son needed to bring an international food dish to class, and he chose sushi. I couldn’t tell you why. Sure, our family occasionally ate sushi (though some of us didn’t eat raw fish), but we had never made it. Naturally, he told me before leaving for school that we needed to make it that night. Given some of the real last-minute just-before-Staples-closes runs for foamboard, I suppose this might qualify as planning.
Anyway, I picked up the tools and ingredients during the school day. He brought home a classmate equally unskilled in sushi making, and the three of us made the ugliest vegetable sushi imaginable, leaving a kitchen covered in rice and avocado. I assume he received school credit.
Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes
I have no idea why I decided to make ice cream cone cupcakes, but I suspect I saw a picture and recipe somewhere and thought it would be cool (impressive?) for my youngest son’s third-grade class. What seemed simple in concept – baking batter into a flat-bottom ice cream cone – was logistically more difficult than expected. The base of the cone was much smaller than the muffin tin, and it wobbled to and from the oven. In preparation for this treat, I also purchased a decorating set I haven’t used since. It wasn’t enough to frost the cupcakes; I intended to make them look like soft-serve ice cream cones.
The hardest part, though, was getting them to school. At the time, there were no special carriers for baked goods like these. I found cardboard and fashioned a holder for each cupcake. Did the kids like them? Yes, but I doubt they appreciated the extent of my efforts. However, my Facebook friends did, and I smile every time this memory pops up.
Mom, The Internet is Out
This mom task is annoying. Unwittingly, I became tech support for everything in our home despite having little aptitude and no training. I am an excellent good Googler. However, that does not help when the internet is out, and we have lousy cell service. As you might expect, my services extended to devices, as I was also the infamous Genius Bar and the repair division. I am good at rebooting, but we did replace a lot or live without.
Not Ironing
Lastly, I did draw the line. I do not iron. I will not iron. It’s non-negotiable. I suck at it; prone to creating more wrinkles and creases. Friends find it relaxing; I find it stressful. So, when kids wanted or needed clothing pressed, my mantra was, “Do it yourself.” I would tell them where to find the iron and steamer.
