I’m in my mid-30s, which means I successfully made most of my life-altering decisions before social media became an everyday part of my life. I selected my college without any perspective given by strangers on TikTok or Instagram. I opened my acceptance letter alone without filming myself. I found my first job without the help of LinkedIn. I went to work in an actual office for the first ten years of my career at a place that specifically prohibited engagement on social media.
So, becoming a mom in this era of social media was a new experience for me. I was embarking on a new stage of my life with little to no prior experience, and I could leverage thousands of others to help me become more knowledgeable and confident…or so I thought.
My pregnancy and newborn phases have taught me that social media can be an amazing tool but can also create overconfidence and a wholly inaccurate feeling of preparedness.
Let’s start with some of the positives.
I’ve gotten some of the best toy recommendations on social media from regular moms who post toys their kids still use months or years later. If I see multiple moms recommending a toy, it’s almost guaranteed my son will like it.
Social media has also helped me feel less overwhelmed or lonely during some of the most tired days with my newborn. It’s wonderful to see and hear the stories of other moms trying to navigate their relationships, go back to work, and deal with the vulnerability that can come with motherhood.
But it hasn’t all been positive. Watching other people’s curated birth plans and stories, breastfeeding journeys, and kids hitting milestones has given me a false sense of confidence that I can control aspects of motherhood that are totally out of my control and have often given me unrealistic benchmarks to hit.
After reading multiple books and honestly watching countless hours of TikTok, my birth plan consisted of going into labor naturally at home (hopefully around 39 weeks), waiting until I was 5-6 centimeters dilated before going to the hospital, trying to avoid an epidural, etc. I had opinions on everything – episiotomies, baths, cord cutting. You name it. I had a perspective.
In reality, I was induced at 41 weeks. I got my epidural when I was three centimeters after ten hours of Pitocin and honestly couldn’t have cared less about the many things I had opinions on previously. The most important thing was that my baby was healthy, and I survived.
I didn’t learn my lesson so quickly, though. I continued to carry all of my ‘knowledge’ and expectations into breastfeeding. I researched colostrum, nursing, pumping, etc. I had a view on which bottles and pacifiers were best for breastfeeding babies. I had two different types of breast pumps. Maybe you could chalk this up to preparation.
But I didn’t stop there. I researched clogged milk ducts and mastitis – before I gave birth. And, by research, again, I mean some books and a lot of TikTok and Instagram. All of this gave me a sense of over-confidence. I’d learned from everyone’s mistakes, so how could I have problems?
In retrospect, it’s now clear that I was ‘over-informed’ and overly confident, which is a tough combination for someone without direct experience.
I sincerely thought I was getting mastitis while I was still in the hospital, and it was simply my milk coming in. I was so confident that breastfeeding would be easy for me that I didn’t even buy formula to have, just in case. My ‘knowledge’ caused me unnecessary paranoia and stress.
With the benefit of hindsight, it’s odd that I’ve never looked to or used social media to navigate life’s changes, but I used it as a crutch extensively in pregnancy and new motherhood. A large part of this is because access is just so convenient, but part of it is because becoming a mom can be lonely and overwhelming.
Now, in my search for advice and connection, I go to other moms in my friend circle, my pediatrician, and my family.
