My husband and I just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. My pre-coffee brain actually thought it was 14, but my cousin corrected my Facebook post. I used to think those tropes about husbands forgetting their anniversary were silly, outdated stereotypes. They were the kind of corny jokes that were featured on old television shows with laugh tracks. Who would forget their anniversary? Surely no one I know, starting with me, would say that. Of course, like most of my self-righteous views, that was before I had children.
This year, I was the wife who almost forgot our anniversary. It snuck up on me with the chaos of back-to-school schedules, days off from school (already?!), PTA, doctor’s appointments, work, and normal busyness. The lazy days of summer were over, and there weren’t enough hours to get everything done.
It hit me when I realized it was my parents’ anniversary, as theirs is a week before ours. Married for 55 years, they
went to a nice dinner to celebrate their anniversary. Inner dialogue: “I should make a reservation for us. But when? Surely we can find two hours to go to dinner. Looking at our
shared calendar, if we don’t go on our a
nniversary, it will be a long while before we have the opportunity again.”
I text my husband: “Can you get home Friday for an early dinner?” Early meaning 5:45 p.m.
He writes back: “Yes.” I managed to get a sitter and make a reservation at a great restaurant here in town. Yay!
(Side rant: I bypassed the credit-card no-show reservation fee of $30 per person by calling to make the reservation. Since when has this become the local norm? Definitely not parent-friendly!)
Waiting until the last minute, I snuck out to buy a card
once my daughter’s gymnastics class was underway. At the drugstore, there are not many anniversary cards for wives to give to their husbands. Probably 2-1 in favor of the cards husbands give to their wives. I wonder why the greeting card industry thinks women need to receive more anniversary cards than men. The selection was pretty cringe, as the kids say. I pick the best of the worst cards and then Google:
“What is the traditional gift for a 16th anniversary?”
Answer: “The traditional gift when celebrating 16 years of marriage is wax. Just as wax melts and blends, you have molded your lives around each other into a single beautiful form.” Wow, I really like that.
Out of curiosity, I then ask: “What is the traditional gift for a 55th anniversary?”
Answer: “The gift for a 55th wedding anniversary is an emerald, symbolizing true love and eternal commitment. The vibrant green of the gemstone represents the deep, everlasting bond formed over 55 years of marriage, along with feelings of security and peace.” Another answer stated that the green of the emerald can also symbolize “rebirth.”
The idea of this metaphorical transition over the years from soft wax to hard emerald resonates with me. As individuals in a marriage, my husband and I have definitely learned to soften and come together to create a (mostly) successful partnership and meet the challenges of marriage.
I remember as a kid my dad coming home with roses for his “Wild Irish Rose” on their anniversary, a kiss and a hug, and no big night out. Their anniversary was spent with us kids around the dinner table, made special by the flowers and the ever-present feeling of love. Now that I look back, maybe they were also overwhelmed by all the messiness of life, but, like softened wax, their molding together allowed them to savor these moments.
Hopefully, as my husband and I age together, we will form a beautiful, radiant gem of a marriage that is as strong and stable as theirs. And as our caretaking responsibilities lessen, we continue to find peace and security in one another.
I imagine that I will appreciate a more tranquil 55th anniversary of our own. I also know I will miss this busy time, so I will try to cherish it – when I am not so crazed. I also love the idea of the green emerald symbolizing “rebirth.” No matter how many anniversaries we share, I hope our relationship continues to evolve. That’s something to celebrate!
As for dinner, we enjoyed a lovely meal, toasting to us! We took dessert to go to share with the kiddos. It’s just not a celebration without them. I also gave my husband his card and a gift of Swedish fish, his favorite candy—made of carnauba wax!
As for dinner, we enjoyed a lovely meal, toasting to us! We took dessert to go to share with the kiddos. It’s just not a celebration without them. I also gave my husband his card and a gift of Swedish fish, his favorite candy—made of carnauba wax!
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