As parents, we quickly learn the importance of sleep for children but often neglect our own need to rest. There are numerous tables and charts regarding the number of hours needed at every stage of life. It is almost always a question asked during a doctor’s visit.
I’ve always enjoyed sleeping. I recall during my youth, my mother making multiple attempts to get me up and out of bed in the morning. Sometimes, resorting to removing blankets and pulling my legs to hang off the bottom of the bed. These actions sometimes sparked a reaction from me. Other times, she would need to persuade me to do so by making outrageous complaints and threats.
I’ve changed since then, but even now, for me to be somewhere on time, I need to set an alarm to get up most mornings. Otherwise, I will sleep for seven to nine hours. There are seldom times when I wake in the middle of the night and struggle to go back to sleep.
I suppose being a mother of seven children for nearly 36 years impacted my sleep.
During my adolescent years, I was both a parent and a high school student. It was hard to care for my daughter and go to school. Yes, my parents helped as much as they could, but they, too, had responsibilities of their own. Both worked full-time and also had two of my younger siblings to care for.
My child was my sole responsibility. It was I who had to wake up and get both dressed and ready for daycare and school. At the age of seventeen, I moved out of my parents’ home. Juggling work and home was hard. It wasn’t long before caffeine became a friend and a foe.
Drinking and eating poorly made it very difficult for me to fall asleep, pushing me to resort to alcohol to relax. Over time, I would develop sleep paralysis. The negative impact this had on me and my family would never be discussed with a medical professional.
Other stresses and past traumas would severely impact my day-to-day, and doctors would prescribe relaxers and sleep aids, which only made me feel worse upon waking and throughout the day. Many years would pass before I would learn the importance of changing my lifestyle, eating habits, limiting and stopping the amount of caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and tobacco. It was not an easy process. Not wanting to have a clutch (prescribed medication); I slowly whined myself off and found other things to occupy my time and implemented good eating habits to help change my lifestyle.
The very first step was acknowledgement, which was the hardest. I had to ask myself, “Why do I do this thing (habit)”? Once you realize and understand that you are in control of your own actions, you can stop harming yourself over matters that are not within your control.
I was addicted to caffeine and tobacco. I did not like knowing this truth. I did not like needing to give in to this habit day in and day out. I knew it was bad when the first thing I reached for each morning was a cigarette pack kept on my nightstand.
Before entering any building or store, I doubled up on cigarettes to satisfy the tick. Even before entering the gym, I would often take a few drags. It was embarrassing to smoke outside my office building in all types of weather. I recall sitting in my car at the end of the workday, crying and praying as I smoked my last cigarette of the day that I would be able to rid myself of this dreadful and embarrassing habit—the feeling of shame as I compared myself to any other person with an addiction.
It was an addiction, but there aren’t any support groups for tobacco users—no one to speak to about how hard it is to stop drinking coffee. No one understands. But it was important because I knew. I had become aware that nicotine, too, caused the troubles I was having with sleep, and I needed to stop. I could not go on in my thirties with a habit started in my teens.
I can’t say the exact date of when I stopped smoking, but it certainly was before our wedding ceremony in 2006. What I learned from that experience helped me along the way and continues to do so today. First, I had to keep track of how many cigarettes I was smoking, how much coffee and alcohol I was drinking, and sugar, including carbs that I was eating. I was always a stickler for time, so I had to create a schedule for myself. I had to wean myself from my trigger to smoke, which was the caffeine and alcohol.
I replaced coffee and alcohol with herbal tea, juices and smoothies, and cigarettes with carrots, nuts, and seeds. No matter what day of the week it was, I went to sleep at ten o’clock each night and set an alarm to wake each day at six o’clock in the morning. I would read for an hour before bed while sipping a relaxing herbal tea (such as lavender or chamomile). I avoided all electronics, from cell phones to televisions. The room was kept dark and cool, at least sixty-four degrees. I also invested in a white noise maker.
Once the new habits replaced the old ones, I could return to drinking coffee, but I limited myself to two cups a day. I began doing yoga and pilates. My morning routine became a morning ritual with prayer, affirmations, and breathing. I also focused on learning to manage stress. My lunch hour was divided; I took an outdoor stroll for 20-25 minutes, then sat and ate my prepared lunch in the conference room, not my desk.
Journaling was a hobby I started at eight years old after receiving a diary for my birthday. I attended local programs and workshops on stress relief, such as Reiki Circles, Singing Bowls, and Meditation. I always enjoyed listening to smooth jazz music, but during my healing, I turned to guided meditation, spa music, bilateral music, Buddhist chanting, and Hindu mantras. Listening to spiritual leaders and motivational speakers helped, as did using breathing and tapping techniques.
