Kindness Is Better Than TV Advice

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A woman frustrated while looking at her computer. I restrained myself from tossing a shoe at the television and instead opened my laptop. The parenting discussion among TV hosts angered me, and they missed the opportunity to spread kindness and inclusion. Instead, the advice bordered on mean-girl (or boy) parenting.

Here’s the situation: a mother received an email from a classmate’s parent asking that the two girls sign up for an activity together. Nice, right? Except your daughter doesn’t want to be with that girl, at least not for that activity. How should the mom respond?

Our armchair experts (who have daughters) automatically jumped to respect her daughter’s wishes. They framed the dilemma as whether to lie, obfuscate, or be honest with the other mother. Recognizing the discomfort of the situation, the hosts landed on the easy option – being vague and uncommitted by saying that you don’t know what your daughter is doing.

It struck me as mean. The hosts never considered why. There could have been a bigger issue or situation involved. Were the girls not getting along? Did something happen? Worse, was there intentional (and perhaps group) exclusion?

Of course, not all children will be friends with each other, and not everyone needs to be together. No one wants to think their children are being mean. However, perhaps we, as parents, should consider the possibility that our angels aren’t always kind.

Some years ago, I ran into a local mom who hesitantly relayed that her son said mine was being bullied. That was good of her, except I already knew and had witnessed her son as one of the bullies. She had never considered the possibility that her child was involved.

On another occasion, I saw my son intentionally excluded from the playground after school as other parents looked on. None of the mothers seemed to care. Later, a father reached out to me to discuss it. I was grateful. Knowing is better than not knowing. It turned out there was a larger bullying issue.

The situation presented on television might be different; the hypothetical was light on detail. However, bullying is a possibility despite never being included in the discussion. Even if it was merely a disagreement between the girls, parents can help them work it out. Without asking the questions, you’ll never know.

So, how about being honest about where things stand between the girls? Ask yours why and what’s going on. Consider having a chat with the other mother. Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, it might not be well-received.

On the other hand, kindness is always a good idea.

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