As a parent and educator, I strongly believe that kids need visuals to learn and change. Raise your hand if you feel you are the mom repeating herself ten times daily. I get it. Sometimes, a verbal prompt (or, let’s be real, one hundred prompts) is not enough to get the behavior you want or expect.
Instead of repeating myself every day and expecting different results, I’ve had success with behavior charts in both my work and personal life. Behavior charts can also be called reward or sticker charts. But no matter what you call them, trust me, they work!
The word “behavior” in behavior chart doesn’t mean you have a naughty kid. It simply means that you have a behavior that you either want to encourage (being kind to your brother or sister, eating more vegetables, following house rules) or extinguish (getting up in the middle of the night to climb into mom and dad’s bed, hitting or yelling).
Here are some of the reasons I think these charts are perfect for children.
1. Clear Expectations
You and your child have discussed the end goal. They know what to expect and what to do to reach the end of their chart. The choice is then theirs. Instead of repeating myself a thousand times daily, I can quickly point to the chart to remind them that their actions will affect their earnings.
2. Provides a Visual
Children can be proud of their accomplishments by seeing all those stickers, Xs, check marks, or whatever you use to mark a task as complete. At the same time, they can see which areas they still need to work on. It serves as a reminder of how they are doing that week or month and holds them accountable for their actions.
3. Motivation
Nothing gets kids moving like something they really want. This is one of the most important aspects of a behavior chart. If a child doesn’t want the end prize or reward, they will not work for it. You may have to work through 3-4 behavior charts before you find what makes your kid tick! Some rewards that we use in my house include a piece of candy, a special dessert, 10 extra “stay-up” minutes, small prizes, 30 extra “screen-time” minutes, and for really big tasks, a trip to the toy store at the end of the chart. Once you find what motivates your child, the chart works wonders! Oftentimes, my children have to remind ME about the chart (“Oh mom, don’t forget I was nice to my sister today, so that’s another sticker on the chart when we get in!”).
4. Children Earn Rewards Rather Than Taking Things Away
Every mom knows the pain of having to take the tablet away or put the Legos aside till they earn them back. The best part about behavior charts is that you never feel like taking something away from a child. Instead, they are earning something that they want. (Never take off stickers if a child does not do what is expected of them – once earned, they stay on the chart).
5. Focuses On the Positive
So often, we focus on what a child hasn’t done that we rarely sit down and discuss their positive achievements (“You got a bad grade, you were mean to your sister, your teacher said you weren’t listening today…”). The chart provides a perfect positive visual of all the things that they were able to accomplish. The conversation then changes to, “Wow, your teacher said you had a tough time today, but look at how you turned it around and followed the house rules tonight!”
6. Consistency
The reward charts provide consistency for achieving their goals. Make sure that once you initiate the chart, your child must get an immediate sticker or reward when the behavior is observed. Make it an exciting achievement when they follow through with their goals.
How do I introduce this thing?
The first thing you want to do is get your child excited about the chart. This doesn’t mean that it has to be large or fancy (although have at it if you like!). Usually, I will use a simple piece of paper, draw a grid, and buy some stickers of characters my children really enjoy.
Another important way to introduce the chart is to refrain from using negative language. Instead of saying, “You will not yell at your sister,” you can say, “You will use a big boy voice when you get upset with your sister.” Then, agree on how many stickers/X’s/check marks need to be completed before gaining the reward (a week’s worth, the end of the chart, etc.).
I always foster a discussion of “What kind of prize do you think we should get at the end?” to make my kids feel included and to empower them in their earning choices (they often come up with clever things on their own that I would never have dreamed of offering—”All you want is 10 extra minutes to stay up? Ha, okay, buddy, that works for me.”).
Also, don’t be afraid to change it up! Are those Moana stickers that, for some reason, worked for a week and a half yesterday’s news? Get new stickers. Keep asking your child if the reward at the end is what they truly want, and if not, don’t be afraid to change it up!
Do I have to do these until they are off to college?
No, no, and no. I usually use these charts for 3-4 weeks max. If the behavior has not been encouraged or extinguished, I try other motivators until I achieve the desired outcome. Once a behavior is achieved or has disappeared, you can start to stagger the rewards (maybe they get a sticker every week instead of every day that they brush their teeth without being told more than once).
I encourage you not to give up on behavior charts if the first or second attempt doesn’t work as well as you had hoped. Finding the perfect motivator for each child takes a lot of modification. While a behavior chart can’t always stop a full-out tantrum in the grocery store or make your child behave like an angel 100 percent of the time, it is an effective tool to help promote positive behavior!
