As my kids get older, their needs change, including their needs for me.
This can be devastating or celebrated depending on the day and many factors. But regardless, I struggle to figure out what they need from me.
Sometimes, it’s straightforward, like cash, which is plain, obvious, and hard to miss. They never hesitate to ask for extra money and make it clear as day.
The emotional needs are ambiguous. Maybe it’s because they are girls and naturally dramatic. Maybe it’s because I can be too sensitive. Maybe it’s because they don’t understand.
My instinct as a mother drives me to fix things whenever my kids face adversity. Seeing them struggle is so uncomfortable, and I want to ensure they are okay. Sometimes, I even offer unsolicited advice.
Many times, the support I offer isn’t what they need, and it’s not always appreciated. I’m told that I sometimes make the situation worse.
So, I feel upset when they don’t need or want my help. I cry. I don’t want to feel useless. But when I calm down, I can see it from their perspective. Sometimes, my girls need to vent. I could’ve just listened, and she could’ve appreciated it.
I recently learned the 3-H Method. When you approach someone having a hard time, ask if they need to be Heard, Hugged, or Helped. Instead of jumping into wanting to fix things right away, I ask first what they need from me.
Are they just venting? I’ll be all ears, just listening. They will be heard.
Do they need comfort? I’ll be there to hug them, physically and mentally.
Do they need my help? Can this help be in the form of advice? Or do they need another form of help? No matter what, I’ll be there to help them.
