Prior to 2022, I knew very little about au pair programs, and what I did know was mostly inaccurate. I imagined very young caregivers with little experience driving, little life experience, and little experience with older children.
Fast-forward to our first interview, I met a 25-year-old from Italy who was a better driver than I was and had hundreds of hours of childcare experience at varying ages. We didn’t interview anyone else—we knew she was perfect for our family. We were fortunate to find someone in our first interview. We then had a wonderful experience with her in our home for the next two years.
You could say – maybe that experience was a fluke. And, I was honestly very nervous about finding a new au pair. Fast forward to today, we have two (yes – two) au pairs who are wonderful extensions of our family. For context, we have a 5-month old son and three teenage daughters.
So, how do you know if an au pair might be a good fit for you?
Contrary to our first experience, the interview process is very important. We’ll put that in the category of “do what I say, not as I do.” Families should meet with multiple au pairs to better understand how different personalities may fit into their homes. Key topics to discuss include:
1. Family Time
Families need to share their interest in including the au pair in activities outside of working hours (e.g., family dinners and vacations). From my conversations with other families, this tends to be the biggest point of contention. If an au pair wants to have dinner with the family every night and the family wants to keep dinners family only, this will be a bad experience. Similarly, if a family wants to spend bonding time with an au pair and they want to go out with friends when not working, the family will feel discouraged.
2. Working Hours
Perhaps more important than the actual working hours – because they have a set number of hours they can work in a week (typically 45) – is how they will handle a flexible or rigid schedule. Our au pair schedule for the older kids is very flexible. It depends on evening activities that can end at different times, such as birthday parties, hangouts, etc. She works well with this flexibility and communicates very clearly with us. Our au pair for our infant son works much more consistent hours that mirror my job.
3. Expectations Outside of Childcare
Au pairs can generally help with things related to kids, such as doing their laundry or making their food. My husband enjoys doing laundry, so we don’t ask the au pairs to help in this regard. But our au pairs love to cook. So, when they are making dinner for themselves or the kids, they always make some for us as well. They also do a lot of our grocery shopping, which is one of my least favorite things to do.
4. Use of a Car
Many au pairs want to explore the surrounding area and meet other au pairs. If they can have use of a car during non-working hours, this allows them more freedom. It’s important for them to understand clear rules around usage. Conversely, some au pairs can’t or won’t drive. It’s also important to help them consider how that will impact their experience.
Of course, there are many other considerations regarding someone living in your home. I was nervous because I work from home and thought it might feel intrusive. We’ve found that with clear communication and mutual respect, it’s been a wonderful fit for our family.
And, of course, it isn’t all or nothing. You can have an au pair and still utilize daycare. Or, you can have a nanny and utilize au pairs for extra hours. Childcare generally can be a very stressful topic, and different options have worked at various phases of our lives. For now, having au pairs is the one that provides the least stress and the most fun.
It was a “fluke,” not a “flook.” ????
(Sorry, the editor in me had to say something.)
Glad you have had positive experiences!
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